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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25944394">Stillwater</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/burymeonpluto/pseuds/burymeonpluto'>burymeonpluto</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Kingdom Hearts</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Canon Divergence, Character Study, Denial, Gen, Post-Canon, friendship?, post-kh3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 06:47:42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,998</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25944394</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/burymeonpluto/pseuds/burymeonpluto</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Kairi came back, but Sora didn't.</p>
<p>Kairi smiles her gentle smile. Riku probably hates her now.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kairi &amp; Riku (Kingdom Hearts)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>32</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Stillwater</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><br/>
<br/>
The beach is so empty and boring these days. It’s so overbearing that neither of them can ignore it anymore.<br/>
<br/>
“Leave it to Sora to keep us waiting like this,” Riku smirks bitterly towards the sun.<br/>
<br/>
Kairi kicks at the sand, slowly digging a trench with the toe of her boot. “Yeah, it’s so like him,” she mumbles. The words leave a bad taste in her mouth. It’s so like <em>her</em><span> to be returned safe and sound while Sora is out there somewhere, still fighting or searching or whatever it is he’s done while she’s not around. </span><span>It’s maddeni</span><span>n</span><span>g</span><span>. For all the times she’s </span><span>kicked and screamed and</span><span> refused to let Sora go, he keeps slipping right through her clumsy fingers </span><span>like water</span><span>. </span><span>Kairi grits her teeth.</span> “It’ll be fine. You know Sora. In a few days, he’ll burst through the door like always and say: ‘I’m ba~ack! Did ya miss me?’ and make fun of us for being worried about him at all.” She puffs out her cheeks. “He’s so infuriating.”<br/>
<br/>
Riku laughs, but it’s hollow. It’s the same way he would laugh at one of Wakka’s bad jokes, back when things were still the same. “You’re right. Sora can crawl his way out of any mess.” That smile doesn’t reach his darkened eyes, and it makes Kairi feel sick to her stomach. Before she knows it, she’s smiling for the both of them. All three of them. It’s all she can do now. Her heart winces at the thought of Sora, and everything he did for her. Everything he gave up. Everything <em>Riku</em><span> gave up for </span><em>Sora</em><span>.<br/>
<br/>
Kairi smiles her gentle smile. Riku probably hates her now.<br/>
<br/>
If only she weren’t so weak—if only she could be as strong as Riku. When did he get so tall? So clearly bigger and older than her? When did his confidence become so quiet? He chuckles beneath his breath like he’s humoring a child. It’s patronizing, but it doesn’t hurt. How could it? Riku has never considered her an equal.<br/>
<br/>
Riku laughs his empty laugh and Kairi smiles her empty smile, like marionettes on a cardboard stage. Empty words to pad the script that do nothing to progress anything.<br/>
<br/>
-/-/-<br/>
<br/>
A week later, nothing has changed.<br/>
<br/>
Kairi’s dreams are slow-motion fantasies of the good old days, when Sora and Riku would race ahead of her along the beach. When the days lasted an eternity and they could still laugh in the face of shadows.<br/>
<br/>
Kairi wakes up laughing and she doesn’t recognize the voice. Her room is quiet in the dead of night. She can still hear that laugh echoing in her brain and it makes her restless. She pulls a dusty journal from its shelf it reads it beneath a dim flashlight. The words scribbled on the pages are clumsy and childish, but they recount simpler days.<br/>
<br/>
-/-/-<br/>
<br/>
</span><span>Some </span><span>days</span><span> she </span><span>wastes </span><span>stan</span><span>ding</span><span> on the shore, letting the waves pull her deeper and deeper into the sand, until the sea splashes </span><span>up to</span><span> the hem of her dress. This sea is always the same. She stares out into the horizon, searching for a blemish. Some kind of dot bobbing in the distance. </span><span>The ripple of a falling star.<br/>
<br/>
</span><span>She stands </span><span>still</span><span> encased in sand, </span><span>but there’s never anything there.</span><span><br/>
<br/>
-/-/-<br/>
<br/>
One day she wakes up and </span><span>catches</span><span> her </span><span>reflection</span><span> stretching in the dresser mirror. Her hair </span><span>has</span><span> already </span><span>grown </span><span>past her shoulders. She twirls the dead ends between her fingers for a moment with a sinking in her chest.<br/>
<br/>
She should still have a spare hair tie in the bathroom somewhere… Probably at the bottom of the drawer with all of the flowery hair pins and clips she used to love so much. She should wear one today.<br/>
<br/>
</span><span>It looks like Selphie has left another three messages on her phone. Kairi leaves them all unread. </span><span>She turns the screen over and forgets about it.</span><span><br/>
<br/>
-/-/-<br/>
<br/>
</span><span>Riku finds her standing along the beach to watch the surf, and Kairi realizes that she hasn’t seen him in weeks. Or has it been months? </span><span><br/>
<br/>
</span><span>There are clear shadows curled beneath his eyes, but Kairi doesn’t mention them. She doesn’t even glance at them long enough for him to notice.<br/>
<br/>
</span><span>Riku stands there with his fists clenched so tightly. Kairi can hear his gloves creaking over the wind noise. He clears his throat and it’s so soft that it makes her skin crawl. “</span><span>It’s been a year now,” he says.<br/>
<br/>
“Hm?”</span><span><br/>
<br/>
</span><span>He </span><span>visibly falters</span><span>. “We still haven’t found Sora.”<br/>
<br/>
Oh, so that’s what he meant. Has it really been such a long time? Kairi chews on her lip. All the days seem to blur together into one indistinguishable mess. Last week and last month feel like equal distances. “I see…”<br/>
<br/>
</span><span>Riku doesn’t say anything else. Kairi can feel his stare boring into the side of her head. She can sense his frustration, the storm of emotions welling up inside of him that he keeps sealed tight. </span><span>Maybe he does have something to say, but he’d never allow himself to say it.</span><span><br/>
<br/>
“</span><span>I guess it has been a while,” she sighs without much weight. “He’s probably doing this on purpose, you know. And laughing at us the whole time! Making us worry about him like this…” Kairi plants her feet and faces the sea. “Isn’t that right, </span><em>Sora</em><span>!?”<br/>
<br/>
Riku </span><span>is silent for a long time</span><span>. “Kairi… I don’t think Sora would put us through all of this as a joke. Even he’s not that tasteless…”<br/>
<br/>
</span><span>She laughs breathlessly. “</span><span>You’re laughing at the looks on our faces right now, aren’t you?”<br/>
<br/>
“</span><span>Kairi—”<br/>
<br/>
“I’ll bet he’s sleeping on the job again,” she blurts. “You know how he is; snoozing on the beach while we do all the work!”<br/>
<br/>
“You know that’s not what happened.”<br/>
<br/>
She pumps her fist in the air. “When he gets back I’m going to give him a piece of my mind.”<br/>
<br/>
“</span><span>This isn’t like any of the other times we’ve lost him,” he admonishes. “Doing nothing isn’t going to help.”</span><span><br/>
<br/>
</span><span>The wind is so strong it stings. Her eyes are watering. </span><span>“</span><span>Sora, you lazy bum! This isn’t funny anymore—!”<br/>
<br/>
“Kairi!” Riku’s hand grips her shoulder and spins her around. It’s too tight to be calming. He’s scolding her now, tired eyes narrow and fiery. There it is. The anger. The frustration. He couldn’t hide it from her forever.<br/>
<br/>
Kairi swallows the ache back down her throat. “You blame me, don’t you?”<br/>
<br/>
“I don’t,” he mumbles, and it’s such a lie. That tone doesn’t match his eyes.<br/>
<br/>
“You have to. It’s my fault.” He doesn’t say anything. Kairi laughs through her nose. “You’ve really changed, Riku.”<br/>
<br/>
“You used to say that like it was a good thing.”<br/>
<br/>
“Do </span><em>you</em><span> think it’s a good thing?” She doesn’t mean for it to sound like a challenge.<br/>
<br/>
“Of course I do,” he says simply. It’s not even defensive. Just a statement.<br/>
<br/>
Kairi shakes off his hand. “Good; because you’ve changed for the better.” He only looks puzzled. “But sometimes I need the old Riku. The one who’d tease me and scold me for being so reckless. So helpless…” She drags her hands through her hair, which pulls it free from the elastic. It falls messily into her face and she’s already given up on fixing it. “You’re not as hard on us anymore, so we’ve started slipping. </span><em>I’ve</em><span> started slipping… I got used to you guys doing all the fighting for me. No amount of training could ever match how you two had to fight for your lives. It was all just make-believe.”<br/>
<br/>
Riku shakes his head. “You were right there with us, Kairi. At the Keyblade Graveyard. Sora and I may have more experience fighting, but you stood there alongside everyone else.”<br/>
<br/>
“A lot of good that did.”<br/>
<br/>
“You fought as hard as you could.”<br/>
<br/>
She furiously rubs her face. It’s irritating! She should’ve chopped all of </span><span>t</span><span>his hair off a long time ago!<br/>
<br/>
“You always have. That’s not worth nothing.”<br/>
<br/>
Stop talking like that. Why does Riku refuse to show her his true feelings? Get angry! Yell at her! Blame her! She deserves it!<br/>
<br/>
“If it wasn’t for you, I would’ve forgotten something very important. I wouldn’t have tried so hard to leave the islands. I would’ve hidden myself from Sora forever, too ashamed of what I’d done to ever seek his forgiveness, and knowing I never deserved it.”<br/>
<br/>
“You deserved it,” Kairi cries quietly into her hands. “You fought so hard for him, when I didn’t even know what I was missing.”<br/>
<br/>
“That was also because of me.”<br/>
<br/>
“</span><span>You really think Sora ever thought or cared about that?”<br/>
<br/>
“And you fought for him too.” His voice is strained and insincere. “Right before he vanished.”<br/>
<br/>
Coddling. Soft. Patronizing. Like she’s the only one hurting. He’s holding back for her sake. It’s always for her. Delicate little Kairi. Always needing a shield. “I’m sorry,” she sobs. “I’m so sorry.”<br/>
<br/>
“Kairi…”<br/>
<br/>
“I know you’re angry. Why do you keep hiding from me?”<br/>
<br/>
Riku trips over his words. “I’m not. Well—not at you,” he admits. Kairi feels the sun burning on her shoulders. “I’m angry at myself, mostly… for being so powerless…”<br/>
<br/>
She chokes. “You? Powerless?”<br/>
<br/>
“I should’ve found Sora by now,” he declares with another clenching fist. “But I’m no closer than I was a year ago. I’ve traced every thread to him that I can think of, and I’ve still come up empty.” Even Riku is losing faith, when he’s the one who always knew what to do. The leader of their little group who Sora would follow to the ends of the world with stars in his eyes.<br/>
<br/>
And Kairi has only been pretending that everything is okay. Wishing and </span><em>hoping</em><span> that Sora will reappear in their lives as if nothing had happened at all. She blinks the tears from her eyes and looks at Riku, his face frustrated and lined with exhaustion. He’s been working so hard this entire time, while Kairi put everything on pause. She stayed rooted to the spot just in case Sora came back while they weren’t looking.<br/>
<br/>
</span><span>Everything has slowly degraded while she wasn’t looking. “I’m sorry.”<br/>
<br/>
“It’s not your fault.”<br/>
<br/>
“I’ll help,” she sniffs. “What can I do?”<br/>
<br/>
</span><span>Riku tilts his head a bit. </span><span>“Are you sure?”<br/>
<br/>
“</span><span>I can’t wait around anymore, but that’s always what ends up happening. Something always comes along that ties my hands. </span><span>It’s funny, really… like someone’s doing it on purpose to keep me still. </span><span>I’m sick of it!”<br/>
<br/>
He doesn’t look convinced. His mouth forms a straight line.<br/>
<br/>
Now who’s powerless? It’s always Kairi. </span><span>Her heart aches from the look on his face.</span><span> “</span><span>You think I can’t do anything?” </span><span><br/>
<br/>
“</span><span>I didn’t say that.”<br/>
<br/>
But he thinks it. He always has. “I was the last person to see Sora. He vanished while chasing after </span><em>me</em><span>. Maybe there’s some kind of link we haven’t found yet.” She’s grasping at straws now. Nothing but loose ends of unraveling thread.<br/>
<br/>
“Maybe,” Riku mumbles. Looks like he’s desperate enough to chase after those threads with her. “Well…</span><span> If you’re up for it, I think </span><span>Ienzo had a few ideas…”<br/>
<br/>
Any chance. Anything. She’ll take it.<br/>
<br/>
-/-/-<br/>
<br/>
Sleep. Sitting. Waiting. Again.<br/>
<br/>
Kairi knots her fingers in the hem of her skirt. She won’t show them her tears.<br/>
<br/>
</span><span>She watches Riku grimace from across the room and she knows. He hates this. He hates </span><em>her</em><span>. There’s no way he doesn’t. This is all her fault. If it weren’t for </span><em>her</em><span>. If she wasn’t so </span><em>weak</em><span>. If Sora would have just </span><em>let her go</em><span>.</span><span><br/>
<br/>
</span><span>She has to fix this. </span><span>If searching through the depths of her own heart will help find Sora, she’ll uproot the scar tissue with her own two hands. </span><span>She doubts the holes in her memories hold any key to finding him, but she’ll illuminate them all for even a chance. </span><span><br/>
<br/>
</span><span>She’ll do it. She’ll show them all how ugly she can be.<br/>
<br/>
</span><br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Are Kairi and Riku even friends? I say yes, just not very good ones. Not anymore. It's going to take some work on both sides to bridge the gap, if it's even salvageable. An actual, on-screen conversation would be a good place to start!</p>
<p> <a href="https://twitter.com/VaniVeniVici">-pluto</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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